Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. (That should be a Mexican law.)
No one may catch fish with his bare hands. (I've known guys who did that.)
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks. (A shotgun works better anyway.)
If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (one left Chicago at 80 mph...)
I moved to Kansas from California, so we'll go there next
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. (Who are the Masses? I never met any of them.)
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (They couldn't have enough hoses for that.)
Bathhouses are against the law. (I'll bet they have them in China Town.)
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (That's because whales have become over-populated up in the hills.)
Women may not drive in a house coat. (A car is much safer.)
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. (That's good. They might miss a stop light.)
Apple Valley - it is illegal for ducks to quack after 10:00 PM within the city limits.
Bellflower - the law states that "a drunken man has as much right to a sidewalk as a sober man since he needs it a great deal more."
Beverly Hills - the law states that "no male person shall make remarks to or concerning, or cough or whistle at, or do any other act to attract the attention of any woman upon or traveling along any of the sidewalks."
Buena Park - the law prohibits males from "turning and looking at a woman in that way" on the Sabbath. If a second offense occurs, the assailant is required to "wear horse blinders for a 24-hour period in public."
Camirillo - it is illegal for any man to purchase liquor without the written consent of his wife.
El Monte - it is against the law for a horse to fall asleep in a bathtub unless the rider is sleeping with the horse.
Hesperia - the law states that "no one is allowed to duel if the opponent selects water pistols as weapons."
Malibu - it is against the law to laugh out loud in a movie theatre.
During my military service, I was stationed in Idaho. Let's see what they have there.
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. (I figured they would have some good ones)
You may not fish on a camel’s back. (I didn't know camels carried fish.)
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime. (It's against the law to get dizzy on the Lord's day?)
In my business career, I traveled to Detroit a lot. Let's see if I broke any laws there.
Persons may not be drunk on trains. (Damn it)
It is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber. (Like I'd be carrying one around with me.)
Adultery is illegal, but can only be punished upon a complaint by the affected husband or wife. (Relax, they have to be able to prove it.)
No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison. (How do they get married there?)
The last Sunday in June of every year was named "log cabin day". (That must be the day all the men retire, due to the previous laws.)
Cars may not be sold on Sunday. (I think someone caught up with the lying salesmen
A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission. (And the beer better be open when she brings it to you.)
There is a 3 cent bounty for each Starling and 10 cent bounty for each Crow killed in any village, township, or city in the state. (I could have made millions in Kansas.)
It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house. (Every state should ban this law.)
You may not swear in front of women and children. (Common courtesy, but illegal?)
Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited. (What should you do with it?)
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday. (Give me a break. Can she scowl at him?)
It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose. (Indicating what? I'll bet it has something to do with the adultery and seduction thing.)
Enough of Michigan. I didn't break any laws there, though I tried a couple of times. Let's go to Arkansas. That should be a good one.
The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. (I knew it)
A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. (I'll bet they had to serve detention too.)
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (I'd schedule it for the first Monday. Get all that tension released.)
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. (Ummmm... I don't think I'd want one in there with me.)
No one may “suddenly start or stop" their car at a McDonald’s. (You might spill their coffee in your lap?)
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. (Now that's going too far, but at least they don't live in Michigan.)
It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday. (So where do some guys walk their wives after 1:00 PM?)
Let's check out Nevada. They're pretty lenient there.
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. (Woops, guess not.)
It’s still “legal” to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property. (Wow.)
Everyone walking the streets of Elko is required to wear a mask. (You've got to be kidding.)
Sex toys are outlawed in Reno. (What about Moonlight Ranch? There's plenty of sex toys there.)
Colorado
The state passed a law making it legal to rip the tags off of pillows and
mattresses.
Denver - it is illegal to perform acrobatics that might frighten horses.
Denver - it is illegal to mistreat rats.
Denver - it is against the law to loan your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor.
Pueblo - it is against the law to raise or permit a dandelion to grow within the city limits.
Sterling - it is unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.
Connecticut
According to state law, in order for a pickle to be qualified as a pickle,
it must bounce.
The law states that anyone caught biking at over 65 miles per hour will be ticketed.
Devon - it is against the law to walk backwards after sunset.
Hartford - it is illegal to educate a dog.
Hartford - it is illegal to walk across the street on your hands.
Florida
It is illegal for a single, divorced, or widowed woman to parachute on
Sunday.
It is against the law to fall asleep under a hair dryer. The people that break the law and the salon owners can be fined for this.
The law states that if an elephant is tied to a parking meter, it must pay the same fees as a car.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while in a bathing suit.
It is illegal for men to be seen in public wearing a strapless gown.
Miami - it is illegal to molest alligators.
Miami - it is illegal to imitate animals.
Key West - it is against the law to hold a turtle race within the city limits.
Tampa Bay - it is against the law for rats to leave docked ships.
Laws We Can't Live Without
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctor's Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
Music compliments of Piano Lady Nancy’s Wavs
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